An Uncontrollable Feeling
by Athie
Summary: After Bella finally achieves her greatest desire, to be with Edward and the Cullen family forever, her foremost fears become real, as her new life unfolds... Please R&R! Thank You!
1. Preface

**Disclaimer: Sadly, I own nothing. Stephenie Meyer does. . I envy her. D:**

**Author's Note: I love constructive criticism but don't be too hard on me. This is my first Fanfic. Also, Reviews make me smile (:**

This is why I was afraid. I was scared to become this… this monster of my old self. I had begged and egged for him to do this to me, and finally, he did…. And I hated it; I hated it with every fiber of my being. I find that ironic that it was my decision in the first place. To become this, this.. this blood thirsty monster. I wanted blood. My eyes were red, crazed with thirst. My brain ravaged wildly for it. I had thought that the pains of becoming this insanity were terrifying. Now that I remembered that, I felt foolish. Compared to this, I had known no pains.

It controlled my thoughts, my feelings, my mind. The scent of human flesh flooded through my nostrils. I was hungry, too hungry for my own good, or any human within a five mile radius.

I couldn't hold back any longer. It was driving me insane. Now my body started moving on its own, like a reflex. A tiny part of my mind, not controlled by my hunger pains, told me to stop, told me not to let in, not to let the thirst take control, too wait for Edward, Alice, someone. But my body didn't listen. The only sane part of my body, that little voice was glad that Charlie was on a three-week long fishing trip. Rejoiced that I wasn't at home now, where anyone would have fallen prey to me. They would have been the first victim of my madness, of my lack of self control.

He would be the first to see first-hand that I was a monster, a 'bloodsucker', that insane part of me was laughing wildly at the thought of human blood, of the color being drained from the corpse as I sucked it dry, this would be fun. The little voice telling me to stop was finally gone. The monster was unleashed.

**Author's Note: ****The preface sort of leads straight into the first chapter, so it's sort of like turning the page. I won't try to do that kind of thing again. Sorry! I just needed a preface and my stupid lazy brain couldn't think of one.**

**Lilly: Why the hell don't you just make that into the first chapter?**

**Athie: -thinks- …I couldn't think of anything else to write for the preface.**

**Lilly: -bangs forehead against desk- Why do you have to be so ditzy?**

**Athie: I am not ditzy! I'm just... unique.**


	2. Chapter One

My body, eager for human blood, shot up from the couch where I had been sleeping. I started towards the door of the Cullen's home. Edward saw me, and instantly knew that I was not weak from the transformation anymore, he knew what I wanted. He quickly side-tackled me back onto the couch and pinned me down. Blinded by my rage and thirst, for the first time since he had left me a year ago, I hated him. He said he would do anything for me, now he knew what I wanted but wouldn't let me have it, the bastard. His cold, marble-like hands that held me down felt like a ten ton truck. Suddenly, I broke free of him.

He cursed and screamed out "Emmett! Alice! Get the hell out here! NOW!" As he sent out his call for back-up he charged me. I was suddenly paralyzed. I tried to move but I couldn't. Rosalie stood in the middle of the room, staring at me with sad eye's that screamed 'I told you so.' I braced myself as Edward rammed me into the wall. Suddenly I realized he wasn't trying to hurt me when he pushed me, he was just trying to delay me until Emmett and Jasper got out here. I looked around the room once more and saw that Rosalie wasn't the only other person in the room. Bree was there. I hadn't figured out her power until now. She could make it so people were frozen, unable to move without her consent, shit. I was shocked after we had the big fight with the newborns that Bree had survived. That she had survived Jane's orders for her to be killed. We hadn't known it until a few days later, when everything was back to normal abnormal. She had knocked on the Cullen's door. Back to completely abnormal again. I snapped back to reality. I was still against the wall. Emmett and Alice were there.

"Bella. Don't make us do this. You have to calm down. Control your mind." Alice said in a clear voice. I knew that, I also that if I didn't have some kind of serious feast that I was going to kill all of Forks, again I was glad for that 3-week fishing trip.

"I can't" I growled, shocked at the sound of the rage, hunger, and anxiety in my voice. "I'm thirsty."

"No Bella. You can get through this. We're going hunting later today, control it until Carlisle is home." Edward stated firmly, staring into my red, hungry, bloodshot (no pun intended) eyes.

Emmett had been sitting back watching quietly, which was very rare, I realized. Soon, he broke the silence.

"Can I knock her out please?" He whined. "It'll be a whole lot easier."

Edward, still holding me against the wall, looked at him and snarled.

"Not funny Emmett. Not funny at all, in fact that doesn't even make sense, she's not human anymore." That hurt, that hurt a lot .I started breaking free of Bree, she stared at me in utter shock, knowing what was about to happen. I was free, but I didn't run.

Emmett just snickered. Bree rolled her eyes, annoyed. Jasper entered into the room like a flurry of wind, I could tell from looking in his eyes that he was defiantly not pleased by something.

"I heard that last comment Emmett." Jasper showed no emotion, but the furry was clearly visible in his eyes. "Shut it. Now, take something serious in you for once in you immortal life."

"And Edward, apologize, NOW!"

Emmett and Jasper started to throw insults at each other, while Edward just looked confused. I was vaguely aware that my thirst for blood was lowering, I was calming down, I thanked every God I could think of. Edward turned and stared them down. They both fell silent and looked like little puppies that had just been kicked. Edward turned back to me and smiled that crooked smile of his.

"I'm terribly sorry for anything that I have said that has in the least bit offended you."

"You can get off me now, I don't want to go kill all of Forks, just take me hunting now, please." I whispered, my voice stained with shame at what I had just done, said, and felt.

He started letting me up, and then he realized that I could get up. He looked at Bree, questions in his eyes. I could tell that he read her mind, he stared at me. I broke under his gaze. I started to cry. I still had some hope. I still had human blood. I wasn't totally lost. I wanted to answer all questions he had, all questions he will ever have. I wanted to calm down, to not be so blood-thirsty, to not feel so vile. I sobbed in his arms. If it was going to make Edward happy, I would try to dim out my thirst for human blood.

I said seven simple words, "I'm not perfect, but I can try."

"That's all I ask." Was his simple reply

**--**

**A/N: I guess Bella's trying pretty hard. Oh well, just keep reading. Plus, I'm not forcing you to review, but they make me smile and happy. If you review, I'll put a thank you note to you in the top :D**

**--**

**Lilly: -tackles Bella- BITCH! EDWARD'S MINE!**

**Bella: HE'S MY FIANCE!**

**Lilly: -gets up and kicks Bella- BUT HE'S MINE! I PUT A CLAIM ON HIM!**

**Athie: Now, now girls. Settle down.**

**Lilly and Bella in unison: SHUT UP!**

**Athie: -clicks shotgun off safe-**

**Lilly: Oh crap.**

**Bella: Edward Help!**

**Athie: DAMMIT!**


	3. Chapter Two

Edward smiled and got off of me. I grinned and then turned to my new family "Excuse my outburst please." I grinned sincerely. "I'll try to never let this happen again."

_Damn, was that smell getting stronger?_ I shook the thought and scent out of my head, but a small bit lingered. Edward saw me struggling with myself and grimaced. I tried to smile, but it was a hard task to discombobulate Edward Cullen. _Shit. This is going to be hard, forgetting that dominative aroma._

The sound of Rosalie's arrogant, haughty voice brought me back from my head. "So Bella, how do we know that you're going to go all crazy on us like a few minutes ago?"

"Oh shut it Rose." Edward snarled. She persisted on, not caring what he said.

"You might just break down and kill us all in the blink of an eye."

Carlisle jumped in this time. "Now Rosalie, I think that's enough."

"You're just a pathetic bastard." She hissed at me. "I warned you. And now your life is worthless."

My face burned and my lips curled into a snarl. I had had enough of this lousy bitch and I was going to finally clean up this dirt pile. "Okay since your done bashing me, let's move on to you." I sneered. Edward's eyes shot towards Emmett, warning him to get ready to hold me down.

Rosalie rolled her eyes and crossed her arms. "Go ahead, shoot."

"Let me clear up one thing first." I growled. "Just because all of us are damned for all eternity to drink blood and kill, doesn't mean that you can act like a high school whore and talk shit about me for the rest of my fucking never-ending life!" I took a breath to calm down.

"I can talk shit about a slut if I want to." She said.

"That's it asshole. That's where I draw a line!"

Edward saw my next reaction, but couldn't counter it. I thrust Rosalie into the wall, throwing punches into that powdered face of hers. Before I could even get a good blow, Edward had me on the ground.

"You were right Rosalie. You did try to warn me. You said that you were just jealous. You said you would try to get better. But that's just it. You haven't!" I struggled under Edward. "You're the most fucking self-centered bitch I have ever met!" Edward held me down stronger. "You haven't tried one damn time!"

Esme had had enough. "Edward! Get her out of here!" Edward dragged me outside and pulled me into his car. He started up and backed out of the driveway.

"Where are we going?" I asked.

"Out for a drive." He answered.

"NO!" I screamed, "I want to show that bitch that just because _she_ doesn't like being a vampire, it doesn't mean that the rest of the whole damn world has that same opinion!" I tried to get up out of the car but Edward held me down.

"I think you're just a bit irked right now, and that if we just get out a bit and let you hunt, you'll calm down a bit," he reasoned.

"I don't want to calm down! That self-centered bitch crossed that line!" I yelled, still struggling in Edward's grasp.

"Bella, you have to calm down!" Edward growled. "I cannot take this. Having to deal with your violent, impractical tantrums and probably soon I'm going to start getting nagged by Emmett because you threw his wife into a wall!"

I was then suddenly very cooperative to Edward's pull. I slid into the car and slammed the door. I turned my back to Edward and stared out the window as we drove away.

**--**

**Bella: -sniffles-**

**Athie: EDWARD! GET YOUR LOUSY BUTT OVER HERE AND APOLOGIZE! D:**

**Lilly: Don't talk to him like that! :O**

**Edward: I will not apologize.**

**Athie: NOW MISTER SMART MOUTH! –Pouts- FINE THEN! I'LL MAKE YOU!**

**A/N: Also, about Edward and Bella's little ordeal, Don't worry :) I'll make that wimp apologize. Though it may not be in the next chapter, because Edward is a stubborn asshole sometimes when it comes to making him do stuff. D:**


	4. Chapter Three

Bella grumbled as Edward drove down the street towards their usual hunting spot. "I don't know why you're taking me out hunting. I'm not hungry anymore. I did what Alice said. I 'controlled' my hunger." Edward sighed. "I'm taking you out hunting because you keep on picking fights with everyone and you won't stop being such a reckless idiot!" he growled.

I shot him an evil glare and threw open the car door. "You know, sometimes I wish you had never met me." I snarled, running off. No matter where I ran though, he followed me. "Bella, get in the car." Edward ordered as he slowly drove beside me. "Why can't you just leave me alone?!" I yelled at him.

He stopped the car and I could tell that I hurt him. But whatever sadness that I had just seen was turned into hatred. "You know what? Maybe I will!" he made a quick u-turn and sped off down the street.

I scoffed and almost even smiled as I saw him turn away from me. I looked up the road. Maybe about two miles down, I saw a sight that made my heart skip a beat. That sight was La Push. Finally she could talk to someone who understood me. Someone who would love me no matter what.

Oh how I missed Jacob Black, if only I had not become a vampire. But Jacob wouldn't care. I'm the same Bella that he used to know and love.

**A/N: Sorry that this chapter took so long for me to post. I've been really busy. I'll try to get back to posting more often. Also, please excuse the very short chapter. I'll start writing more next time.**

**--**

**Lilly. "The same Bella that he used to know and love?" Pssh. Yeah right.**

**Bella. Why do you talk about me right in front of me?**

**Athie. She's basically legally blind.**

**Lilly. The voices! They've come back! Why do I hear voices.**

**Athie. It's us, Athie and Bella.**

**Lilly. Don't try to fool me!**

**Athie. She needs her glasses. .**

**Lilly. I um. Um. I kind of lost them.**

**Athie. And you call me the ditz?!**

**Bella. -bangs head on a poster that says "bang head here"-**

**Athie. :O I want that poster!**


	5. Chapter Four

**A/N: Rawr. This chapter is done from Edward's point of view. (: Edward just releases his emotions in this chapter. **

I stared at Bella through my rear-view mirror and sighed heavily. _I've created a monster._ Bella Swan. She had become so different than when she was a mortal. Of course, she was a lot prettier. Her skin had slowly faded white like mine, and she had the same physical features as us. But on the inside, she was so much uglier. Her heart had hardened like her marble skin and her words had frozen like her temperature. _Oh what have I done?_

I knew where she was headed. "Stupid Bella. I don't need her anymore." I growled. I knew that I was lying to myself. I needed Bella like the sun needs the sky to hold it up. I just crash and fall without her. And the thing that hurt me the most is that she was headed to Jacob. She didn't care about me anymore. I debated whether or not to go back after her. I decided not. She hadn't taken one look back ever since I had left. I pressed my foot down on the gas pedal until it had hit the floor. _She doesn't need me, when she has pretty-boy Jacob._

_Well, if she doesn't miss me, then she won't come looking for me._ He sobbed. And the thing that broke his heart into a million little pieces, was know that he loves someone who once loved him.

**A/N: Wow. I almost cried in this chapter. Sorry again about the small chapter. Btw, Reviews make me smile :D**


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